Saturday, January 28, 2006

Challenger and My Brother

Today is the 20th anniversary of the shuttle Challenger explosion. Most of us remember this as a tragedy for our nation, but for the Larkin family it holds more. My brother, Paul, was on assignment for the shuttle blastoff and was stationed directly in the stands in front of the families of the crew members. He was there as a member of the press representing the University of Colorado who had an alum on board.

You have seen my brothers work as a few of his pictures taken that day were circulated widely by AP and Reuters. The photo of the pieces of the shuttle spiraling downward were taken by my brother. He also took the initial photos of the family reactions which were published once. I have been told that the negatives of those particular photos were destroyed because my brother couldn't bare the thought of the families having to see their initial horror over and over again. You see, my brother was special in that way. He was caring and would go out of his way to make sure the people around him had what they needed ~ even at his own expense.

In 1998, Paul was murdered in Monterrey, California. As in all murders, there was absolutely no reason for this senseless act of rage. The loss of my brother in this manner changed my world and the way I view how murderers should be treated. My heart will never heal from this particular wound. He was my primary childhood playmate as we were raised in the Air Force.

When we held Paul's memorial service, we had a photo, that he had made of himself with his camera in hand, framed with an inscription that described my brother's life perfectly. "I am not born for one corner; the whole world is my native land."

and now that truly is the case......

Paul Larkin added kindness, beauty, and sensitivity to our world for too short a time, but what he added was the best of the best.

I love you Paul and you are oh so sorely missed. I miss my childhood playmate so much.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Pursuing Life (To the best of my ability)

There is so much I want to experience in life, but I am easily influenced by sights and sounds that motivate me. Music in particular does that to me. I'll hear a song with a strong beat and feel invigorated and just know I can do anything! I'll hear a love song and I am instantly somewhere in another time.....sad and lonely. Fragrances and smells do the same thing. If I let all the emotion that is evoked from all that sound and smell control me there would be times I would feel as though I couldn't accomplish enough. I just baked oatmeal cookies and the house smells delicious, but it always makes me think of other times and places ~ connections with people who are no longer in my life due to death and divorce.

I know I am doing my best and doing a pretty good job, but I know there is so much more to see and do out there and people to meet! I simply can't allow old tapes, fears, emotions to keep me from being my best.

Charles Swindoll is one of my favorite authors and speakers. In particular, his book "Living on the Ragged Edge" has had a profound effect on me in the past. There is one passage that stands out for me. Quoting from his chapter titled "Be Bullish".

"We can't wait for conditions to be perfect. Nor can we wait for things to be free of all risks - absolutely free, absolutely safe. Instead of protecting ourselves, we have to release ourselves. Instead of hoarding, we are to give and invest. Instead of drifting, we are to pursue life. Instead of doubting, we are to courageously trust. We have to be bullish!"

His reference to trusting means our trust in God, regardless of our circumstances. I'm willing to trust God. He's been so gracious and has protected me this far. Why would He not do so now?

How bullish are you willing to be?

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

In the beginning....

Yes, I quote from John 1:1 for my first post on my first blog. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." This scripture has held fascination for me from the time I was very young and it wasn't until much later that I fully understood the real meaning.

Those who know me also know that I have a strong belief system that sustains me. Through all I have lived and endured, my saving grace has been His.

There is a poem that has meant alot to me over the years and sharing it with others during times of grief has helped me to explain what it means to live in the moment. Written by Helen Mallicoat it reads:

I was regretting the past and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking:

"My name is I Am." He paused.
I waited. He continued,
"When you live in the past,
with its mistakes and regrest,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Was.
When you live in the future,
with its problems and fears,
it is hard. I am not there.
My name is not I Will Be.
When you live in this moment,
it is not hard. I am here.
My name is I Am."

I've come to the conclusion that living in the past or the future does nothing but zap our energy. Energy we need to move forward by living fully in this moment.

Whose time are you wasting?